Forgive me; I saw the topic for this week and all of a sudden Fleetwood Mac's 'My Little Demon' is going through my brain!
Okay; focus, Kenzie....what demons follow me around?
Wait; maybe I need to introduce myself? I'm Kenzie Michaels; my stories are on the tame side of the Adult Contemporary Romance genre; and currently three books are published, with a fourth due out any day now and two more pending. I've known most of the other writers of this blog for several years, and have a confession: I've been writing my own essays each week and following their blog topics in hope that one day I might be invited to 'fill in' or even invited to join. And voila! Here I am, to brighten up your Sunday afternoon.
So with that out of the way, back to my demons:
a) Demon of insecurity. I've never been comfortable in social settings unless I had a friend along, but I've noticed that in the past several years I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I'm not sure if maturity has suddenly caught up to me, or it's the influence of a good friend, but I've been singing karaoke now for a year. The first time I stood up, my knees shook and I held the microphone too far away from my mouth. But last week, I had no problems singing duets with people and not caring how I sounded. I'll even tell the karaoke goddess, "Don't applaud that! I was horrible!" and graciously accept the thanks of those who cheer my name!
Insecurity also rears his head when I receive edits or cover art. I'd rather have a second opinion if I'm not sure how to fix a scene, or disagree with my editor. And the same goes for cover art; I've only had two covers which I 'knew' were the right ones. And I'm grateful for friends who take time out of their busy schedules, since I still consider myself a 'newbie'.
b) Demon of head-hopping. Back in 2007, when I discovered the joys of networking with other authors, I also learned the rules had changed, considering how scenes were constructed. I wrote in the style of my favorite books: Danielle Steele, Judith McNaught, Kathleen Woodiwiss. Now all of a sudden it's a no-no to switch POV's in the middle of the scene. I still struggle with this, though I'm getting better.
c) Demon of not speaking up/confrontation/defending myself: This is a biggie. I'm a people-pleaser who dislikes confrontation. And I'm married to a man who likes to raise his voice. A lot. So I tend to let him have his say, and then fume about it, especially if I think he's wrong. And the times I do argue back, my problem is overcoming his objections. I saw this when I tried sales; I've never been good at persuading strangers to buy something they don't want. I've had some high-pressure salesmen talk me into buying things, but I didn't enjoy them afterward. When I buy something, it's because I WANT it, not because I want to shut someone up.
The demon I have conquered? The 'yes' demon. I'm more comfortable telling people 'No; I'm too busy.'
So what about you?
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Did I Mention I Like Reader Comments?
This just made my day!!!!
"I love the Kenzie Michaels books I have had the pleasure of reading and found it very interesting what you do when your book is released. I think the least you should do is the chocolate part...who doesn't deserve chocolate when you release a new book? Seriously, I like the synopsis of Teacher's Pet and will definitely be buying it."
A hearty THANK YOU!
"I love the Kenzie Michaels books I have had the pleasure of reading and found it very interesting what you do when your book is released. I think the least you should do is the chocolate part...who doesn't deserve chocolate when you release a new book? Seriously, I like the synopsis of Teacher's Pet and will definitely be buying it."
A hearty THANK YOU!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Guest Blogging and Epic Fail Part 2....
First of all, I'm over at Tina Donahue's blog, and there's a sneak peek at the upcoming Teacher's Pet posted, so come by and say hi? Please?
Secondly, when I reposted what I thought was one of my funniest Epic Fails, I failed to recall another one. Ever get a message and totally misunderstand the instructions? This happened in college, and all I can say is, thank God the guy was patient!
Aug 1986:
For a little background info: My roommate and I had stored our belongings at a friend's house, since we were attending the summer session a few weeks later. In late June, when we arrived to pick them up, our friend met me at the door and told me one of his friends wanted to get in touch with me. The name wasn't familiar, but as I was between boyfriends at the time, I told him to have him call me.
And for three weeks, no phone call, so I put him out of my mind.
My roommate and I had taken jobs at a local restaurant, and split the shifts during the week. She took M/W; I took T/Th, and on Fridays, I worked in the kitchen while she bussed tables and vice versa on Saturday. We weren't old enough to wait tables, since this was also a bar.
Anyway, one day I came in from class/dinner/playing Euchre (don't really remember!) and E met me at the door with a phone number.
"He gets off work at 5 and wants you to call him." It was the friend of my friend.
E was getting ready to head to work (it was Wednesday), so after she left, I looked at the clock. Nearly 5, so I decided to give the guy time to get home and settle in before I called.
6pm: I dialed with semi-shaking hands. And turns out he'd left a message for me to call at 5, and had just spent the past hour thinking I was uninterested in him. I told him the reason behind the delay, and he laughed.
"I was going to invite you over for dinner, but I went ahead and ate. What are you doing tomorrow?"
I explained my work schedule. "So not to sound arrogant or anything, but if you want to meet me, it would have to either be tonight or you'll have to wait until Sunday."
We also talked about how he knew me, and when he described who he thought I was, he was dead wrong. I'd never worn a beret in my life, and the last time I'd worn knickers was in the 6th grade. So now he was even more curious as to what I looked like!
"How about I finish up some things around here and come get you in an hour? We'll go out for ice cream."
"Sounds good to me." We hung up.
An hour goes by and my phone rings. My room was the first room past the lobby doors, so I asked him if he was facing the wall with the phone or the front desk.
"The wall; why?"
I opened my door and stepped out into the hall. "Turn to your left and look through the door window. I'm the one waving at you. Have you ever seen me before?" He certainly didn't look familiar!
"No; I don't think so. Do you still want to get ice cream?"
"You bet. Give me two seconds to hang up and grab my keys."
We went out for an enjoyable evening and had a wonderful six-month relationship, marred by only three misunderstandings.
-He was newly divorced, so I assumed he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I found out later he'd instantly flipped over me and assumed since I was ten years younger, I couldn't possibly feel the same way about him. So we never expressed our true feeling for each other until it was too late.
-It was during this turmoil that I accidentally cheated on him, which caused us to be miserably apart for 5 weeks. He was taking a night class at the university, and one of my friends in my 9am class was also in his class, so every M/W/F she'd greet me with 'Did you talk to him?/He's miserable without you/'
'He ended it; he needs to make the first move.'
'Funny, he says the same thing about you!'
So finally when I received my graduation notice, I took a firm grip on my courage and called him, fully expecting to either get the machine or have him hang up the minute he heard my voice. But he picked up.....and we talked. And talked. And he ended up coming to get me and I spent the weekend with him.
-After we'd been apart two months after graduation, I missed him so much, I got clingy. And it basically drove him into the arms of another woman, who married him six months later, only to divorce him when SHE graduated. And in 1990, he and I were back on friendly terms, only this time HE was living with someone. When I happened to be in town one day, I stopped by to see him.
'Y'know, V's getting ready to move out. If this had been next week, our reunion would NOT be taking place in my living room. We'd be in there.' He pointed down the hall.
I went home and thought about it. Two weeks later, I called him to see how he was doing.
"Hey, congratulate me: I'm getting married!"
"You are? Congratulations!' (Well, I guess that means I don't need to ask off for the weekend...).Turns out his girlfriend had changed her mind and once again, my decision to give him more time had backfired.
Fast-forward to 2006. I'm married; he's married. My family ended up moving back to town. Some mutual friends showed up at Christmas and wanted me to go with them to see him. I declined, since my hubby knew him but didn't particularly like him. I figured it's a small town; surely I'd run into him somewhere! I did send him a postcard announcing my book signing in Evansville in 2008, and put a personal note, asking him to attend. And when he didn't, I took that as a sign he had no desire to renew our friendship.
And three weeks ago, I received the sad news he'd passed. Last week, I met his 6th wife and we actually hit it off. She knows some of the people I knew back in 1986, and was able to fill me in on everyone's happenings. She misses him, as do I. I regret the missed opportunities, but as I told her, I have some wonderful memories of the time I spent with him. And that I will never regret.
Secondly, when I reposted what I thought was one of my funniest Epic Fails, I failed to recall another one. Ever get a message and totally misunderstand the instructions? This happened in college, and all I can say is, thank God the guy was patient!
Aug 1986:
For a little background info: My roommate and I had stored our belongings at a friend's house, since we were attending the summer session a few weeks later. In late June, when we arrived to pick them up, our friend met me at the door and told me one of his friends wanted to get in touch with me. The name wasn't familiar, but as I was between boyfriends at the time, I told him to have him call me.
And for three weeks, no phone call, so I put him out of my mind.
My roommate and I had taken jobs at a local restaurant, and split the shifts during the week. She took M/W; I took T/Th, and on Fridays, I worked in the kitchen while she bussed tables and vice versa on Saturday. We weren't old enough to wait tables, since this was also a bar.
Anyway, one day I came in from class/dinner/playing Euchre (don't really remember!) and E met me at the door with a phone number.
"He gets off work at 5 and wants you to call him." It was the friend of my friend.
E was getting ready to head to work (it was Wednesday), so after she left, I looked at the clock. Nearly 5, so I decided to give the guy time to get home and settle in before I called.
6pm: I dialed with semi-shaking hands. And turns out he'd left a message for me to call at 5, and had just spent the past hour thinking I was uninterested in him. I told him the reason behind the delay, and he laughed.
"I was going to invite you over for dinner, but I went ahead and ate. What are you doing tomorrow?"
I explained my work schedule. "So not to sound arrogant or anything, but if you want to meet me, it would have to either be tonight or you'll have to wait until Sunday."
We also talked about how he knew me, and when he described who he thought I was, he was dead wrong. I'd never worn a beret in my life, and the last time I'd worn knickers was in the 6th grade. So now he was even more curious as to what I looked like!
"How about I finish up some things around here and come get you in an hour? We'll go out for ice cream."
"Sounds good to me." We hung up.
An hour goes by and my phone rings. My room was the first room past the lobby doors, so I asked him if he was facing the wall with the phone or the front desk.
"The wall; why?"
I opened my door and stepped out into the hall. "Turn to your left and look through the door window. I'm the one waving at you. Have you ever seen me before?" He certainly didn't look familiar!
"No; I don't think so. Do you still want to get ice cream?"
"You bet. Give me two seconds to hang up and grab my keys."
We went out for an enjoyable evening and had a wonderful six-month relationship, marred by only three misunderstandings.
-He was newly divorced, so I assumed he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I found out later he'd instantly flipped over me and assumed since I was ten years younger, I couldn't possibly feel the same way about him. So we never expressed our true feeling for each other until it was too late.
-It was during this turmoil that I accidentally cheated on him, which caused us to be miserably apart for 5 weeks. He was taking a night class at the university, and one of my friends in my 9am class was also in his class, so every M/W/F she'd greet me with 'Did you talk to him?/He's miserable without you/'
'He ended it; he needs to make the first move.'
'Funny, he says the same thing about you!'
So finally when I received my graduation notice, I took a firm grip on my courage and called him, fully expecting to either get the machine or have him hang up the minute he heard my voice. But he picked up.....and we talked. And talked. And he ended up coming to get me and I spent the weekend with him.
-After we'd been apart two months after graduation, I missed him so much, I got clingy. And it basically drove him into the arms of another woman, who married him six months later, only to divorce him when SHE graduated. And in 1990, he and I were back on friendly terms, only this time HE was living with someone. When I happened to be in town one day, I stopped by to see him.
'Y'know, V's getting ready to move out. If this had been next week, our reunion would NOT be taking place in my living room. We'd be in there.' He pointed down the hall.
I went home and thought about it. Two weeks later, I called him to see how he was doing.
"Hey, congratulate me: I'm getting married!"
"You are? Congratulations!' (Well, I guess that means I don't need to ask off for the weekend...).Turns out his girlfriend had changed her mind and once again, my decision to give him more time had backfired.
Fast-forward to 2006. I'm married; he's married. My family ended up moving back to town. Some mutual friends showed up at Christmas and wanted me to go with them to see him. I declined, since my hubby knew him but didn't particularly like him. I figured it's a small town; surely I'd run into him somewhere! I did send him a postcard announcing my book signing in Evansville in 2008, and put a personal note, asking him to attend. And when he didn't, I took that as a sign he had no desire to renew our friendship.
And three weeks ago, I received the sad news he'd passed. Last week, I met his 6th wife and we actually hit it off. She knows some of the people I knew back in 1986, and was able to fill me in on everyone's happenings. She misses him, as do I. I regret the missed opportunities, but as I told her, I have some wonderful memories of the time I spent with him. And that I will never regret.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Auto Technology 101
For the past several years, my most hilarious 'comedy of errors' involved one of my husband's trips to the hospital, which you can read about Here
The following is a reprint of my vehicle issues/woes from May 2008. Enjoy!
Maybe I should have taken it?
First the computer gods laughed at me yesterday.
Today, it's the automotive gods who are having a field day.
Let's recap the past year:
April 2007: I'm halfway to my convention in Fishers, IN when my van refuses to go faster than 30 MPH. The kind person who let me use her phone graciously took me to my first stop; my friend's house, where my father was waiting to meet me. He was intending to pick up my 3 kids and take them home with him. Little did he know he would first be taking me to Fishers...And later, all it took was a $5 fuel filter repair.
December 1st, 2007: I'm scheduled to go to Muncie, IN, to be a part of the Midwest Writer's book signing. I'm only four blocks from home when I stop to buy oil, and the brakes suddenly lock up. I can't go forward or backwards! Two hours later, hubby gets it fixed and is totally perplexed at why it happened when the phone rings. Forget Muncie; I have to drive to Noblesville in order to get one of my best friends, as her mother just passed away, and she needs a ride to Evansville.
**The following is in reference to a book signing I set up in Ft. Wayne, IN, a four hour drive for me. I was supposed to leave by 7am and arrive by noon. Through another comedy of errors, I wasn't able to honor my commitment, and the other author (and the bookstore manager) were rather upset with me. I was furious at both myself and my undependable transportation.
Last Saturday: My son takes my van to Walmart for a forgotten item and calls 30 minutes later to say the van refuses to back up, and the transmission is screaming. Hubby babies it home, and further inspection shows we're gonna need a new tranny. It's okay; Jackie says she needs a day with 'the girls' and says she'll drive.
6:15 am Today: The phone rings. I smile and pick it up, expecting Jackie to say she's on her way. Nope. It's her hubby.
"Got a slight problem. Apparently I hit something last night, and there's a 4-inch gash in the sidewall of one of the tires."
Ouch. And the tire repair shop doesn't open until 9am.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! But, there's a good side to all of this: 1) my kids were early to school; 2) Kelly gets to hold down the fort for the first two hours until we get there; 3) Mikey stayed in his cage all night; 4) I had time for more than one cup of coffee!So just pray everything goes well the rest of the day? Please?
And let's hope that when my next event rolls around, which is the Cincinnatti trip, all vehicles are in good, working condition!!!
We now have a family joke; we don't tell the van we're leaving the county!
The following is a reprint of my vehicle issues/woes from May 2008. Enjoy!
Maybe I should have taken it?
First the computer gods laughed at me yesterday.
Today, it's the automotive gods who are having a field day.
Let's recap the past year:
April 2007: I'm halfway to my convention in Fishers, IN when my van refuses to go faster than 30 MPH. The kind person who let me use her phone graciously took me to my first stop; my friend's house, where my father was waiting to meet me. He was intending to pick up my 3 kids and take them home with him. Little did he know he would first be taking me to Fishers...And later, all it took was a $5 fuel filter repair.
December 1st, 2007: I'm scheduled to go to Muncie, IN, to be a part of the Midwest Writer's book signing. I'm only four blocks from home when I stop to buy oil, and the brakes suddenly lock up. I can't go forward or backwards! Two hours later, hubby gets it fixed and is totally perplexed at why it happened when the phone rings. Forget Muncie; I have to drive to Noblesville in order to get one of my best friends, as her mother just passed away, and she needs a ride to Evansville.
**The following is in reference to a book signing I set up in Ft. Wayne, IN, a four hour drive for me. I was supposed to leave by 7am and arrive by noon. Through another comedy of errors, I wasn't able to honor my commitment, and the other author (and the bookstore manager) were rather upset with me. I was furious at both myself and my undependable transportation.
Last Saturday: My son takes my van to Walmart for a forgotten item and calls 30 minutes later to say the van refuses to back up, and the transmission is screaming. Hubby babies it home, and further inspection shows we're gonna need a new tranny. It's okay; Jackie says she needs a day with 'the girls' and says she'll drive.
6:15 am Today: The phone rings. I smile and pick it up, expecting Jackie to say she's on her way. Nope. It's her hubby.
"Got a slight problem. Apparently I hit something last night, and there's a 4-inch gash in the sidewall of one of the tires."
Ouch. And the tire repair shop doesn't open until 9am.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! But, there's a good side to all of this: 1) my kids were early to school; 2) Kelly gets to hold down the fort for the first two hours until we get there; 3) Mikey stayed in his cage all night; 4) I had time for more than one cup of coffee!So just pray everything goes well the rest of the day? Please?
And let's hope that when my next event rolls around, which is the Cincinnatti trip, all vehicles are in good, working condition!!!
We now have a family joke; we don't tell the van we're leaving the county!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
You Like My Book!!!
Just saw something which made my day! A reader commented the following:
"OMG, Wild At Heart... just read it... LOVED IT!!! Kenzie. you rock... felt like I was there, absorbing every word, i stayed up til 3am to finish, I think the only thing that would have been great was if Ethan would have gotten with Lori after Rehab lol."
It's like winning an OSCAR; complete strangers tell you they LOVE your work, and suggest ideas for sequels:)
As for costumes....each character tells me what they're wearing. And the only time I've done a Halloween Party, I've based their costumes on past experience:
For example, my alter-ego's characters attended a 'Come As Your Favorite Fantasy' party, and dressed as punk rocker; a flasher; a mechanic; Dracula; and Army get ups. In a later book, they would dress as Robert Palmer's Back Up Singers and yes, even had a Robert Palmer. They compete in a Halloween Costume contest against a pregnant nun, a Coke can, M&M candy, and Hershey's Kiss. Amy and Caty dress up as Dorothy and Glenda from Wizard of Oz, and Amy even refers to a previous Halloween when Matt gets the wrong costume, ruining her plans.
Maybe I need to incorporate a Lady Gaga costume into one of my next stories?
"OMG, Wild At Heart... just read it... LOVED IT!!! Kenzie. you rock... felt like I was there, absorbing every word, i stayed up til 3am to finish, I think the only thing that would have been great was if Ethan would have gotten with Lori after Rehab lol."
It's like winning an OSCAR; complete strangers tell you they LOVE your work, and suggest ideas for sequels:)
As for costumes....each character tells me what they're wearing. And the only time I've done a Halloween Party, I've based their costumes on past experience:
For example, my alter-ego's characters attended a 'Come As Your Favorite Fantasy' party, and dressed as punk rocker; a flasher; a mechanic; Dracula; and Army get ups. In a later book, they would dress as Robert Palmer's Back Up Singers and yes, even had a Robert Palmer. They compete in a Halloween Costume contest against a pregnant nun, a Coke can, M&M candy, and Hershey's Kiss. Amy and Caty dress up as Dorothy and Glenda from Wizard of Oz, and Amy even refers to a previous Halloween when Matt gets the wrong costume, ruining her plans.
Maybe I need to incorporate a Lady Gaga costume into one of my next stories?
Monday, October 10, 2011
"Why Don't You Understand? This Is The Story Line!"
Scene: Friend of Kenzie's house, with Barbie Townhouse.
Kenzie holds Malibu Barbie, dressed in silver sheath and Lillian, Barbie doll with changeable hair, dressed in tennis outfit. Both dolls are on top floor 'bedroom'. Obviously Barbie is getting ready to go to a dance with Ken, and Lillie is helping her.
Downstairs, K holds Ken, dressed in formal wear. A smaller doll, Skipper, 'answers' the door.
Skipper: Hi Ken. Barbie's upstairs.
Ken: I'm ready to take her to the prom.
(Barbie gets up and gets in elevator to go downstairs): I hope I look alright, Lil.
Lillie (follows Barbie to elevator): You look GREAT! I wish I could go.
Barbie: Maybe Ken's friend Tom will be with him.
Both dolls arrive downstairs and greet Ken.
Barbie: Ken, where is Tom? I thought he was going to take Lillie.
Ken (looking puzzled. K roots around in toy box and finds the Lone Ranger): Am I late? Oh...you're Lillian? Gee, you're taller than I am.
Lillie: You're wearing a mask? I want to see what you look like.
Tom: No can do, ma'am. I've got to be able to save damsels in distress at any moment. And I can't be recognized. Can you ride a horse?
Lillie: Uh, Barbie, I guess I'll sit this one out.
Skipper: I'll go! I love to ride horses!
Tom and Skipper go off. Ken, who's been propped up beside the townhouse, turns to Barbie: Shall we?
Kenzie: Are you insane? Skipper can't go to the prom with the Lone Ranger; she's only in the 6th grade!
K: Well, at least she's shorter than Tom. What boy wants to be seen with someone who towers over them?
Kenzie: He was supposed to throw her over her shoulder. Then at the prom, while dancing to "Close To You", he agrees to take off his mask and they fall in love....and then some bullies try to take Barbie away from Ken and a fist-fight happens, so everyone escapes on Silver after the tires are slashed on the camper....
K: I don't want to play anymore. Let's go outside.
**************
The above scenario is one reason I liked to play by myself. I had the story line mapped out, or at least somewhat developed in my head, and couldn't understand why it wasn't 'obvious' to my playmates. I couldn't TELL them what was going to happen; I just 'knew' it. And it wouldn't be for another three or four years before I had the skills to WRITE it down.
I acted out my own continuing version of movies and books. And got frustrated when no one wanted to go along with it. And when my hormones kicked in at age 14, I inserted myself into romance novels, mainly the civil war era or Victorian historical ones.
I devoured Jean M Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear and especially Valley of the Horses. And when I got to college and found out how much fun sex could be, I started writing it. But there was a problem: I was so descriptive, the only thing I could find in comparison was found in my dad's Playboys (my sister and I used to get them out and make fun of the girls. I loved reading the comics though!). But what good Christian girl read that sort of thing? So I put them away or in one case, destroyed it.
And then in 2002, I found the Ellora's Cave site and ordered two books. And a whole new world opened up! Here were the books I wanted! And I didn't have to be embarrassed, because no one could see me with them in my hand at the store! (Yes, I've been too embarrassed to check out or buy the Kama Sutra, and it took me until 1994 to be comfortable buying condoms, even though I'd been married for three years by then!)
So yes, I'm a good Christian gal with a wild side. I'm also finally getting comfortable enough to let her out occasionally.
Kenzie holds Malibu Barbie, dressed in silver sheath and Lillian, Barbie doll with changeable hair, dressed in tennis outfit. Both dolls are on top floor 'bedroom'. Obviously Barbie is getting ready to go to a dance with Ken, and Lillie is helping her.
Downstairs, K holds Ken, dressed in formal wear. A smaller doll, Skipper, 'answers' the door.
Skipper: Hi Ken. Barbie's upstairs.
Ken: I'm ready to take her to the prom.
(Barbie gets up and gets in elevator to go downstairs): I hope I look alright, Lil.
Lillie (follows Barbie to elevator): You look GREAT! I wish I could go.
Barbie: Maybe Ken's friend Tom will be with him.
Both dolls arrive downstairs and greet Ken.
Barbie: Ken, where is Tom? I thought he was going to take Lillie.
Ken (looking puzzled. K roots around in toy box and finds the Lone Ranger): Am I late? Oh...you're Lillian? Gee, you're taller than I am.
Lillie: You're wearing a mask? I want to see what you look like.
Tom: No can do, ma'am. I've got to be able to save damsels in distress at any moment. And I can't be recognized. Can you ride a horse?
Lillie: Uh, Barbie, I guess I'll sit this one out.
Skipper: I'll go! I love to ride horses!
Tom and Skipper go off. Ken, who's been propped up beside the townhouse, turns to Barbie: Shall we?
Kenzie: Are you insane? Skipper can't go to the prom with the Lone Ranger; she's only in the 6th grade!
K: Well, at least she's shorter than Tom. What boy wants to be seen with someone who towers over them?
Kenzie: He was supposed to throw her over her shoulder. Then at the prom, while dancing to "Close To You", he agrees to take off his mask and they fall in love....and then some bullies try to take Barbie away from Ken and a fist-fight happens, so everyone escapes on Silver after the tires are slashed on the camper....
K: I don't want to play anymore. Let's go outside.
**************
The above scenario is one reason I liked to play by myself. I had the story line mapped out, or at least somewhat developed in my head, and couldn't understand why it wasn't 'obvious' to my playmates. I couldn't TELL them what was going to happen; I just 'knew' it. And it wouldn't be for another three or four years before I had the skills to WRITE it down.
I acted out my own continuing version of movies and books. And got frustrated when no one wanted to go along with it. And when my hormones kicked in at age 14, I inserted myself into romance novels, mainly the civil war era or Victorian historical ones.
I devoured Jean M Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear and especially Valley of the Horses. And when I got to college and found out how much fun sex could be, I started writing it. But there was a problem: I was so descriptive, the only thing I could find in comparison was found in my dad's Playboys (my sister and I used to get them out and make fun of the girls. I loved reading the comics though!). But what good Christian girl read that sort of thing? So I put them away or in one case, destroyed it.
And then in 2002, I found the Ellora's Cave site and ordered two books. And a whole new world opened up! Here were the books I wanted! And I didn't have to be embarrassed, because no one could see me with them in my hand at the store! (Yes, I've been too embarrassed to check out or buy the Kama Sutra, and it took me until 1994 to be comfortable buying condoms, even though I'd been married for three years by then!)
So yes, I'm a good Christian gal with a wild side. I'm also finally getting comfortable enough to let her out occasionally.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda...
I don't have a lot of regrets in my life, but there are a few....
I wish I hadn't....
-Desired to 'fit in' so much in HS: All my friends had boyfriends, and instead of being happy with my non-attached status, I took the first one offered. (Can we say co-dependant???)
-(wished I HAD) seen the writing on the wall and gone after my Soul Mate instead of thinking my date was 'mine' (he wasn't; I should have told him where to go that night and maybe my SM and I would be together??)
-Given up on said Soul Mate when I DID tell my supposed boyfriend to take a hike.
-Lost patience when a 'surprise' was 'coming soon'. Essentially gave up the chance to visit Hawaii....
-Spent all that money self-publishing. If I'd been a little patient, maybe things would have been better? (Although it DID show me how to promote myself, so it wasn't entirely all bad. Chalk it up to learning experience...)
-(wished I HAD) chosen another major in college, one which gave me the skills to find a GOOD PAYING JOB? (But then again, if I'd married my SM, I'd be fairly comfortable, instead of watching the pennies...or maybe even divorced, so maybe Life with him wouldn't have been so merry? Who knows?)
-Been so anxious to move out of the city after storage unit being broken into and made a better choice of buying a house...(But then again, everything happens for a reason....)
Yes, I am not in control of my life. Everything which has happened to me has made me the person I am today. And a little wiser, and more cautious. And most importantly, I'm finally comfortable being ME. I'm not seeking approval from the opposite sex; I know my SM is waiting for me.
I have readers who enjoy my work.
I have good friends who like to hang out with me.
And, I've raised three good kids. (Okay; the jury's still out on #3, but he has his good moments!)
What about you? Any big regrets you'd like to share? I'd love for Q to be able to show me what my life would have been like, if I'd changed a few decisions....with the option to return to my current lifetime, of course! (Star Tren TNG, if you're unfamiliar with that character!)
I wish I hadn't....
-Desired to 'fit in' so much in HS: All my friends had boyfriends, and instead of being happy with my non-attached status, I took the first one offered. (Can we say co-dependant???)
-(wished I HAD) seen the writing on the wall and gone after my Soul Mate instead of thinking my date was 'mine' (he wasn't; I should have told him where to go that night and maybe my SM and I would be together??)
-Given up on said Soul Mate when I DID tell my supposed boyfriend to take a hike.
-Lost patience when a 'surprise' was 'coming soon'. Essentially gave up the chance to visit Hawaii....
-Spent all that money self-publishing. If I'd been a little patient, maybe things would have been better? (Although it DID show me how to promote myself, so it wasn't entirely all bad. Chalk it up to learning experience...)
-(wished I HAD) chosen another major in college, one which gave me the skills to find a GOOD PAYING JOB? (But then again, if I'd married my SM, I'd be fairly comfortable, instead of watching the pennies...or maybe even divorced, so maybe Life with him wouldn't have been so merry? Who knows?)
-Been so anxious to move out of the city after storage unit being broken into and made a better choice of buying a house...(But then again, everything happens for a reason....)
Yes, I am not in control of my life. Everything which has happened to me has made me the person I am today. And a little wiser, and more cautious. And most importantly, I'm finally comfortable being ME. I'm not seeking approval from the opposite sex; I know my SM is waiting for me.
I have readers who enjoy my work.
I have good friends who like to hang out with me.
And, I've raised three good kids. (Okay; the jury's still out on #3, but he has his good moments!)
What about you? Any big regrets you'd like to share? I'd love for Q to be able to show me what my life would have been like, if I'd changed a few decisions....with the option to return to my current lifetime, of course! (Star Tren TNG, if you're unfamiliar with that character!)
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