I Don't Get It...

What the Hell...?
I just don't get it. What the hell has happened to people's sanity on the day after Thanksgiving? Yesterday was truly a 'Black Friday' for the families of two store workers, trying to make a living and helping others with the so-called 'Christmas Spirit'. Oh wait a minute....that was NOT an example of true Christmas spirit; that was the sound of selfish GREED!

I have lived in a large town, and I am currently living in a small town, with only three major stores in town: Walmart, K-Mart, and Kohls. Did I get up at some ungodly hour to start shopping? No; I was busy sleeping off my Thanksgiving day of cooking, eating, and visiting with friends.

I did stay in my pj's until noon, and yes, I spent more on Amazon.com than I have in recent transactions. All in the comforts of my home. And when I did venture out, around 2pm, it was first a trip to a small store that advertized Thomas the Tank Engine toys, 40% off. I was one of 4 customers in the store, and not only did I find a gift for my nephew, but I also found a gift for my niece, my parents, and I'll be going back to get another item for my honorary granddaughter.

And then I ventured over to Kohls, thinking if it was too crowded I'd skip it. I not only found a close parking spot, but I went in, found what I was looking for, discovered the boots I want are on sale at 50% off, found an empty check-out line, paid, and left. I was gone a total of an hour.

And then I hear on the radio about a fatality in New York. Have we gotten soooooo desperate to 'get the good sales' that shoppers are now literally breaking down the doors and trampling store workers? Yes, I realize this has also happened on other Black Fridays. But people, really. Is it worth it? I say no.

A couple of years ago, we laughed at a friend of ours who got to Walmart at 4am just to get a DVD player for $20. Well guess what? My mom and dad found one, 2 weeks later, for the same price! That's right; the 'special sale' wasn't so special, after all.

I heard some poor guy whining that he had to stand in line for 2 hours for the store to open. I've got news for you; go in the afternoon, when all the crazies are tired and on their way home, or collapsing in restaurants! And yes, I've done this in the big city, too. Go in the afternoon! You'll be in a much better mood; you'll be rested; your shopping experience will be a hell of a lot more enjoyable. And oh yes, you might even catch yourself humming a Christmas song or two while you shop.

A Change of Heart?
You'd think with the excitement of getting the conditional contract, I'd be writing furiously to get it finished. Well, the opposite has happened. Yes, I wrote the early scene, and the middle scene is still swirling around in my brain, but the words refuse to leave my fingertips.

Is part of my problem the fact I can't shout the news to my parents and extended family? This year on the promotional tour, I met so many people wanting Christian Inspy...has this dulled my desire to break into the erotic genre? I don't know.

Is it simply the fact I'm thisclose to attaining my dream, and now I'm going into self-destruct mode? Is it fear? Burnout? All of the above?

I don't want to blow my chance. Not when I've worked this hard for it!

I had a nightmare last night, that I threw my 3-month-old baby girl away, and spent the rest of the dream sobbing, only to learn she had crawled out and was fine. I woke up in tears, but thankfully, my 4-year-old baby boy was sleeping soundly. (No, I don't have a 3-month-old girl!) But maybe it was symbolic of the 3 months I spent waiting for this particular MS to be accepted. I think I'm going to take the rest of the weekend off, and when my kids return to school next week, I will pull up the document and see if I can at least write for a few minutes.

Baby steps.

I don't have to write an entire scene; I don't have any particular word count to aim for. But if I get back to the basics, and just write something, maybe the words will flow, and open up that dam inside my creativity.

Hopefully. I really don't want to blow this.

Wheeeeeeee!

I've been offered a conditional contract! I'm dancing around the room...join me? I still have to make changes; the editor felt the plot was rushed and that there could be more fireworks between two characters, but that's not a problem!

I felt it was a bit rushed myself, but then again I had a word count issue to deal with. But now that restriction is lifted, I can go back and fix it; add dialogue; really heat it up. After all, there's nothing better than a grand confrontation scene, full of crackling tension, angry words exchanged, and emotions running the gamut from fear, courage, anger, relief, and of course, love.

And the best part? I opened this email before I drove the kids to school. And on the way home, the creative side of my brain finally 'woke up' and I think I know exactly what I'm going to write! NaNo? What NaNo? I've been offered a contract!

I'm seeing a bottle of plonk coming this weekend, as well as good sales for my alter ego...

Okay. Time to get off the computer, crank up the music, shower, and get to work!

Let me finish my dance first...

Oops!

Ever wake up suddenly and think 'Oh Crap!'? I did last night. So I checked the submission guidelines. And guess what?

I stupidly sent my submission in the wrong format.

ARRRGGGHHHH!

I hope it's not too late to fix it! I'll reformat it and get it sent off again, with an apology.

Also....

Remember the weird dreams I've been having lately? I figured it out. My hero and heroine aren't going to work. There's trouble in Paradise. Now if I can just figure out a way to fix it...

Exciting News!

Remember my submission for the EC Caveman, All She Ever Wanted, was rejected two or three weeks ago? I sent the synopsis and the first chapter off to another publisher a day or two later.

Monday I received the email from an editor; she is intrigued and wanted the full manuscript! So I sent it off on its merry way. Keep your fingers crossed!

In other news, my alter ego is thrilled to be a part of the downtown Christmas Kick-off celebration next week. If I get any other good news before her signing, I'm confident she'll be passing out my card and sticky notes to anyone interested!

Oh...my other EC submission was also rejected the other day, but as previously stated, I'm not too upset. I think it was better in the longer format anyway. So now I can redo it the way I originally wrote it. And they also rejected ASEW again! Wow...I guess it at least got a second opinion? Like I said, I'd already sent it elsewhere, so no tears over this. And if it gets rejected from this new publisher, well, I can re-tool it to fit the anthology that DOES want me:) But if it gets accepted...I've got to get over this massive writer's procrastination/slump/whatever- you- want- to- call- it and FOCUS! Time to crack the whip at my muse and get back to work. Do ya think the hubby would let me go to Florida for a week? Or at least check into a motel by myself? Na...I didn't think so either.

Too bad...my NaNo word count is pathetic. Week #2 and I'm still below the 5K level.

But other than that, my week's been pretty exciting! How's yours?

Making It Fun Again

I was watching last week's episode of One Tree Hill and Hailey and Brooke were wondering where things went wrong in their careers, and wondering how they could make things fun again.

I guess I'm sort of going through the same thing. When did writing become 'not fun' anymore?

1977
In the 5th grade, we had a teacher who would put on classical music and tell us to write whatever popped into our heads. My first 'story', my take on the movie Logan's Run, was the first 'original' thing I ever wrote. And since the basic story was taken directly from the movie (and a 10-year-old's perception of it!), my second story, a fairy tale about a dragonfly, was more original.

Sadly, the only papers to survive are my Firefly tale and a stupid story about a gentle giant.

1980
My 9th grade teacher announces we are going to spend each Friday writing creatively. Bam! A story based on the song 'One Tin Soldier' pops in to my head, and instead of waiting four more days, I wrote it in Study Hall. I recieved a 'B' on it, because of some spelling errors. Two weeks later, I started boring her with my ending to Star Wars, which I finally finished in early May! And two days later, another fairy tale popped into my head, so I went to my room and wrote it. My mom loved it; it earned me an 'A', and four years later I turned it into an illustrated children's book and read it to kindergartners and 1st graders. They all loved it. Where is it now? Locked in a file cabinet with the original sketches. My finished book? Probably long gone. I don't think I ever got it back. (I could be wrong...my mom might still have it somewhere!)

1985
I got bored during the summer and started writing down 'what if' I flew to California to see my 'boyfriend'. Three months later, he came back; I kept writing. See my website for what happened next!

2002
My first book is published, and suddenly I'm in a panic and want to crawl in a hole somewhere. What the hell have I done? Everyone is going to yell at me because of the language; the un-Christian-like attitudes; my parents are going to disown me! Surprise, surprise...everyone who reads it LIKES it! Okay...poking my head out. Whew! I'm not going to be publicly flogged!

2007
I get two bursts of creativity and write 100 pages on a wip that is scarily coming true in a friend's life. I can't work on it anymore; I'm too afraid for her! The second writing stint results in my first book, Wild at Heart. I like it; not everyone 'gets' my first hero. Give him a chance! I guarrentee you'll love him by Ch 3! Oh yeah...I also burn myself out during NaNo. I was sooooo sick of this story, I literally didn't even look at for three months. Delete the final 10K words, and hey Kenzie...this story's not half bad! My critique partner enjoys the first 5 chapters before health problems plague her. I'm still wondering whether or not to go ahead and submit it.

2008
Between blogging every day, a husband who resents me spending most of my waking moments at the computer, and a massive case of writer's block, I somehow manage to write two more short stories. I also started 4 or 5 more. Will I ever finish them? I'm going to spend NaNo trying to finish at least one. But I'm not going to turn into the Mad, Screaming, Lunatic Bitch of the Century. No; if I come up against a day where I can't make my daily word count, I'm not going to fret about it. I'll simply do something else until the idea returns. And I've done a much better job of preparing my kids for what lies ahead this month.

So how do I go about recapturing the 'fun'?

I guess I'll start by not putting so much pressure on myself. My goal this year was to submit, submit, submit my work and get my first e-contract. And rejections keep coming. However, I was contacted last week about a possible contract, so maybe things are starting to look up again?

And maybe I'll also get that grant, so I can attend three upcoming conventions this year. Or lock myself in a hotel room until I finish a manuscript or two?

Any other ideas you'd like to toss my way? I'm open to suggestions!

And Happy Halloween, by the way:)

Another Rejection...

I got a surprise over the weekend! One of my Caveman submissions has already been rejected.

"Although the storyline and writing is very good, we don't feel this story is right for us at this time..."

I was definitely surprised...this particular one, All She Ever Wanted, is the one I thought best suited for the anthology; however, I'm wrong. Maybe there is hope for Appetite for Desire? No word on it yet, and it is the one I thought needed to be longer!

Oh well...keeping my fingers crossed!

And in the meantime, maybe Freya's Bower will like it?

Another Dream, and Venting

First of all, the dream.

I'm with my favorite hero, and we are at a party/outing with friends/something like that. Things are going well; he's by my side and making me feel pretty darn special.

But there's another girl who is also being witty herself, and I can't help but feel slightly insecure; after all, I've been in this position before. I was confident of my hero's love and was therefore shattered when I realized the idiot had just dumped me for the other one.

I feel like I need to trust my sweetheart, but at the same time, I can't help wondering if in another week or so I'll find out they've been seeing each other behind my back? I try to stay calm and civil; after all, any show of jealousy will ultimately destroy our relationship, and give him ideas that may or may not be already crossing his mind?

And then the scene shifts...and we are alone, eating breakfast.

"I thought we'd just stay in today, Kenz, and laze around watching football and eating popcorn." He reaches for my hand and gives me that special smile.

My heart melts. I love lying in his arms, sharing a bowl of popcorn while we cheer on out teams!

Maybe I really do have nothing to worry about??

And now the rant.

My spouse has been living with his niece while he's working, and paying half her rent. Fine; I have no problem with that. It is cheaper than the weekly motel and eating costs of last year, and this way he gets to spend time with her and her kids.

My problem? She lost her job last month, and while she's picked up temp jobs and is still bartending, she doesn't have any extra money for her half of the rent this month. And her new job starts next week. She WILL have the money for her half...on Monday!

And her brother, who is ALSO living there, is lying to his father about his living arrangements!

WTF?????

Yes, my spouse is suddenly making good money, and yes, I certainly understand the need to help her out once in a while. But where the hell has all her money gone? My hubby puts gas in her car; he's buying the groceries; he's even made her car payment! So...where did all her extra income go?

And I wouldn't have been so upset about it, except this is the paycheck where we paid for my van to be fixed. So half of it went so I could have reliable transportation again. I now need to put off paying MY utilities for a week, just so her rent is paid on time.

To put this in perspective: I was looking forward to having a $500 cushion, so I didn't have to worry about checks beating his paycheck to the bank, or if he needed gas, the money would be there. After all, next week I'm going to need gas, too, for when I take the kids north! But no...I've been reduced to a little over $300 for the week. And that includes any groceries I have to buy.

I was just beginning to breathe easy again for the first time in three months. I'll just have to hope nothing unexpected comes up. And no, don't misunderstand! The only shopping I do is grocery shopping. But, I still have some medical bills I'd like to get rid of.

Guess they can wait another week too.