Friendship 101

I'm not the only one having friendship issues. Another author is having them as well.

Remember mine, the one who last year blasted me for my publishing efforts, and basically told me to get a 'real job'? The one who later mentioned something I said would 'make a great line in one of your books', and who later again told me not to invite her to my signings?

Yeah, I know...mixed message there.

I had not heard from her in 6 weeks, and suddenly I receive an email stating she basically could care less about what was going on in my writing life, or marital woes, or even about my kid's tonsillectomy. But she's coming into town today and wants to see me.

It took a great deal of willpower not to hit 'reply' and send a very sarcastic and snotty remark!

I even went back to my sent mail to see what, if anything I said might have been construed as whining or rude. Nothing. I basically had said, 'here's what's going on in my world', and 'hey, I finished that manuscript!' and 'oh, btw, I'm going to be in your town briefly...want to meet for lunch/coffee?'

She said, in large letters, she had a job and a kid to raise, and didn't have as much free time as I do.

Whaaaaat?

Free time?

Let's visit something here:

1) I have 3 kids, she has 1.
2) Yes, she has a job, and works mainly from home.
3) I have a 'job'...I'm a full-time mommy, and I also write.
4) I thought we were friends who CARED about each other. I offered love and support during her divorce; she's heard all about my trials the last 12 years, and we've commisserated on our idiot spouses. Hers decided to become addicted to alcohol and drugs; mine is just a royal pain in the ass. She also offered encouragement when I found myself pregnant again after 9 years, and listened while I cried on the phone! And who held me a year later and calmed me down when I had a 'what the hell have I gotten myself into' moment after the baby was born!

I have decided that IF she calls me today, I will pick up the phone. IF she emails, I'll reply back. IF she comes over, I will remain calm.

But I'm not replying to the snotty one; I will calmly remind her that I cannot get inside her head; I have NO IDEA what she's been dealing with the past 6 weeks, and I'M SORRY if my 5 emails last week was misunderstood as a 'high maintenance' moment. I had good news I wanted to share, and that was all!

I'll admit, I gave into my insecure, emotional side: I was wondering if a) after our chat she decided to not be friends anymore or b) technology was interferring and I wasn't getting the 'hi, how are you' emails she usually sends every couple of weeks. The rational side was telling me that a) she looked extremely stressed and just needed space, and b) not to push her or she'd take my head off again. So, I gave a gentle nudge and she snapped, via email this time.

We'll see what happens today. If I'm not careful, I'll insecure myself out of this long friendship. And after 22 years, you'd think we'd know each other better. But this divorce has changed her; I don't want to join the ranks of friends she's lost in the past 2 years; I'll just have to continue to pray for her. I don't think she anticipated this much stress last year, when she was venting at me once a month over this decision.

I applaud her courage at changing her life; she changed jobs and divorced her spouse, all in the course of 3 months. I've often thought of striking out on my own, but fear holds me back. I've not worked (steadily, that is!) in 14 years. If my publishing efforts were supporting me, I'd probably do it in a heartbeat. But I remember what I was like, working seven hours a day and coming home to clean the house, do my 'mommy' duties, and cook dinner for a tired husband who had worked 12-15 hours. I was tired; I was sleep-deprived; and cranky because I had no time to write. And when I was no longer full-time again after 8 weeks, the words poured from my pen for 6 weeks straight.

My hubby gripes when I'm not working, because I'm not earning any money, but yet when I do work, I hear 'the house is a mess! When are you going to clean it up?'

I finally yelled back, "What do you want, a clean house or a working wife? Apparently I'm incapable of doing both!"

He shut up.

Sorry for the rant; this just royally pissed me off. And I don't want to get into a yelling match.

Finished!

I finally finished my Caveman submission! And I'm happy with this one.

It was a stretch; it wanted to end two times, but it was too short! 6K the first time, and 8K the second. Thankfully, I was able to get a burst of inspiration and it is 10, 544 words long, just within the word limits.

What's it called, you ask? Working title is 'All She Ever Wanted'. It's similar to 'Recipe for Love', but there are no kids, and they are former lovers torn apart by a scheming parent. I hope it's accepted. The only thing that worries me slightly is, they don't actually get in bed until chapter 2. But there is some groping....maybe the editors will like it?? Or at least, find a place for it, even to publish as a Quickie?

I'll submit both (if allowed!) and see which ones gets accepted, if either of them do. So stay tuned; as soon as I get my desktop to stop throwing a hissy fit, I'll send it on it's way. Otherwise, I'll have to do it from daughter's laptop. And she really doesn't need it on her PC...but then again, it's on my flash drive, so maybe it won't matter??

I'm doing the Happy Dance! The only thing that would make me happier at this point would be an affirmative email from Eternal Press, concerning Wild at Heart...keep your fingers crossed!

Low Motivation

I just can't seem to get motivated this week. I sent of chapter 6, but at my weekly writer's meeting, I looked at 4 of the wips I had with me, and...nothing.

Blank.

Can't even come up with a single word to add to any of them.

What do you do when the muse isn't talking to you? So far, nothing's working.

Maybe this is a sign I just need a vacation?

I'm taking the kids to the county fair tonight. Maybe the change of scenery will help!

Woo Hoo:)

First of all, my flash drive is virus-free, thanks to the wonderful folks at Circuit City who checked it for me and Did. Not. Charge. Me!

I am back on track, doing edits on my manuscript:) I finished chapter 4 last night, and as soon as I get to the library, I'll print out the corrections for chapter 5.

I'd better send her chapter 6, hadn't I? I'll do that in a few minutes.

Good News:)

I inquired about my submission to Eternal Press, and was told I should hear something by the end of the month; they are just now getting around to reviewing their April submissions. Keep your fingers crossed!

Started another book this past week. I wrote it in longhand during my weekly writer's meeting (I was the only one w/o a laptop...I feel so deprived!); typed it up on Wednesday, and kept going. Friday, I opened the file again and wrote some more, finishing it, or so I thought.

Word count was only 6,693. Too short for a submission.

So on Saturday, I added what I thought was another chapter, plus the first line of a second. And last night, I reread it.

The new chapter's only 2 pages long. Oops! I'll have to expand on it some more.

And I'll have to change the title.

So yes, I still have some work to do on it. I think I'll print off the first chapter and ask the members of my new group to give me their opinion of it. And if Barb would regain her interest in reading, I'll gladly shoot a couple of pages her way!

Other good news? I'm mobile again:) Hubby fixed the van and it works! Next week's repair is the brakes. And then eventually, the fuel pump again.

See there? I need a contract. I need to sell lots of books so I can afford a newer used van! Mine's only 8 years old, but it was used heavily before I got it in 2005!

Closet Nudist

What? Me? A nudist? No way...well, if the truth be told, I guess if walking around naked in my own home, regardless of the other occupants qualifies me as such, then so be it.

Blame it on my parents, ha ha!

Growing up, my parents' bedroom was next to mine. And every morning, my father would would walk past my door, on his way to the shower, carrying his underwear.

You remember those days, don't you? We only had one full bath in the house, and when four people are all trying to get dressed and leave the house within minutes of each other, bathroom time tends to overlap. Many times, my dad would be in the shower; my sister or I would be on the toilet, with the other brushing her teeth or even blow-drying her hair.

So naturally, I carried this relaxed attitude into my own adult life.

My son asked a friend of ours, "How long after marriage can you share the bathroom with that person?" She stated three weeks. I say, if you've been intimate with someone, then the same day!

I've shocked more than one lover over the years by using the toilet while he showered. After I married, it was natural for me to perch on the sink and talk to my hubby about his day when he came home tired and covered with dirt (he's a construction worker...the guy you scream at every summer, because his concrete machine has blocked the highway lane you think you need to be in?)and wanted to clean up before dinner was ready. And after the kids arrived, well, at one time, we would have Daddy sitting in the bathtub; a child perced on the toilet; another one sitting on the covered litterbox, and myself on the sink.

I have a vague memory of my mother running out of the house wearing only her suit pants and a bra, waving her toothbrush at the school bus to stop, as I was late.

My hubby was slightly shocked, when, after my sister's wedding reception, we were all gathered in our parents' hotel room ( they had been married six months before; this was for the friends and family who couldn't attend) and my sis had her husband unfasten her dress, while I turned my back to my dad and asked him to unzip me, as my husband was occupied in changing a diaper!

I shocked my MIL after my hubby's heart surgery; we were all staying in one room at the hospital's motel, and she went into the bathroom to change. When she came out, I had stripped to bra and panties and was preparing for bed.

Even now, I have no problems with dressing or undressing in the living room, if I don't want to miss a minute of the news, or a favorite TV show. And if someone comes to the door, then I'll slip a shirt over my head and poke my head around to answer it. And if you're a friend, I'll let you in. Otherwise, I'll close the door and finish dressing.

So I guess that doesn't make me a total nudist, right?

Friends

Friends are wonderful, aren't they? Especially the true ones. You can laugh, argue, fight, make up, and they'll still be there without holding grudges.

I had to remind one of my friends today that I'm here for life.

Why?

Remember two weeks ago, this person was very snotty on the phone? Thank god the techonolgy gods intervened and I didn't get her reply. It was apparently not very pretty.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I got an email from her; we briefly met and while she didn't apologize for her attitude, we're still on good terms. We've agreed to disagree on my choice of career paths...she doesn't support my decision to pursue publishing, and she said the crux of her email was to please stop inviting her to my signings.

I reminded her that friends support each other, no matter the personal feelings involved. I reminded her that I don't agree with certain aspects of her life, and while I wasn't expecting her to show up and loudly proclaim me as her favorite author (though...that would be nice!), I was simply inviting her to drop by and say hi. No pressure to buy; just show up and be friendly!

So with that out of the way, we settled back and exchanged info on what was going on in each other's lives. And she's going to set aside some time in the coming weeks so we can have lunch.

I love her; she's constantly in my thoughts and prayers; and I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

Will she show up this weekend? I doubt it. But then again, she just might surprise me!