When I was in jr high school, there were 2 books on the 'sh-sh' list that every girl was dying to read. First Love, by Judy Blume, and Flowers in the Attic, by VC Andrews.
First Love, because it described a high school senior losing her virginity. Flowers because it had a sex scene between two teenagers who happened to be brother and sister.
I was lucky...my mother BOUGHT First Love for me, and I happily devoured it. The other...well, by the time my curiosity had piqued, only the girls who were deemed 'wild' were reading it.
I had to wait until my sophmore year to read it. And instantly became a fan of VC Andrews!
As a high school senior, my understanding mother let me read Jean M Aul's Clan of the Cave Bear and Valley of the Horses. And when I got to college, and everyone's favorite topic was sex, I pulled out that VotH and eagerly read and reread all those scenes between Jondalar and the various women.
And when the mystery of how it actually felt was solved, I started writing my own sex scenes, with a lot of heartfelt truth...how it felt, the reactions, the moans...you get the picture.
The trouble was, no mainstream books at the time wanted to publish what I was writing (or so I thought, anyway!). The guidelines were clear...no bed-hopping; heroine has to be a virgin; sex scenes must be 'somewhere in the middle of the book', or something asinine like that.
There was a popular line of books that I quickly realized was the same story, only the setting and character names were changed. BORING! I wanted something fresh.
So I started looking around, and they say to 'write what you know', and boy, did I have a lot of material gathered from roommates, people who decided I was a safe ear to bend, shoulder to cry on, whatever. Men and sex, positions, toys, etc was all debated, pondered, admitted, and shuddered at. We knew who to avoid 'because he's a lousy lover', or who couldn't kiss, or who couldn't even maintain an erection!
I had one friend whose boyfriend was into the kinky stuff, and she was a willing participant. Frankly, I wondered why anyone would want something plastic shoved inside them when they could have the real thing?
I came across the Ellora's Cave site when I saw Jaid Black on Montel Williams. I ordered two books that sounded interesting, and the very first one had a dream sequence involving a very different sex position...one that I had heard of, but only gays practiced, or in one book I'd read, it was referred to as 'Greek-Style'. Sounded painful.
For the first time, I saw there were books that had the description I was craving, and I didn't have to subscribe to Penthouse. (An ex-boyfriend had a copy and I looked through it out of curiosity!) And now, I finally have the freedom to write the way I wanted to twenty years ago.
I just hope I can find an audience.