I seriously hope I heard what I think I heard wrong earlier. With all this flak over the NY govenor admitting he had sex with a prostitute, infidelity is back in the spotlight, and Dr. Laura is blaming the wives?
Whaaaat?
What I heard was, women need to take responsibility for providing a loving atmosphere for their spouses, so they don't have any reason to stray.
Okay...I've been on both sides of this argument, and frankly, I'm inclined to say it doesn't matter if we emulate June Cleaver, Roseanne, or even any female lead; if the guy is going to cheat, he'll find a way. It matters not if we are loving, kind, or a regular bitch! If our men are strong, self-confident men who know themselves and what they want out of life, or even have a shred of self-respect and honor, they will stay faithful.
But if the man has a weakness for women, or feel they are lacking somehow, they'll look elsewhere.
And it's not just the men! I've known women who feel there is 'someone better out there', or maybe her hubby isn't fulfilling her needs. If there is no communication, she'll stray. And maybe they both want to be caught...in that case, it's a cry for help! A wake-up call to the spouse who realizes s/he's taking the other for granted?
But don't you dare tell me it's my responsibility to keep him happy!
What happened to committment? Yeah, I heard someone say that 'standing by your man' is simply the price these public women pay to be in the spotlight. And yes, I also heard someone say that the wife might as well be wearing a burka. 'Find your backbone...let him stand up there alone...'
I'm undecided on these points. It all depends on their definition of committment and self-respect. If their men are truly repentant and want to change their behavior, I'm all for the second chance. Third, nah.
Go ahead; tell me I'm wrong. I really hope I misunderstood Dr. Laura!
3 comments:
amen sister.
"Commitment" also means being committed to your partner's needs.
Dr. Laura says that ***IF*** you choose a good man ***AND*** you treat him right, he will not stray. Nowhere does she excuse men for their decisions to commit adultery. However, she recognizes that if a wife isn't living by her marital vows (which are more than just "forsaking all others"), THEN a man is more likely not to live by his, either.
But if you want to believe that women have no power in their relationships, or no ability to a choose a decent man, then go ahead. It is easier to bash Dr. Laura than admit that some wives may not be treating their husbands right.
Maybe he did talk to his wife. Maybe her answer was "Tough - I don't feel like it. Want a divorce? I'll take half of everything you've ever earned and turn your daughters against you."
I do think cheating is wrong and should not be excused. But if the refrigerator is empty, a lot of men are going to hit the drive-thru.
Exactly, Ken:) Like I said, I sincerely hope I misunderstood her. I was reading my email and all of a sudden my hubby switched TV channels and we only caught part of her interview. I don't even know what channel it was on, so I couldn't even check it on the web. I wasn't bashing Dr. Laura; I was simply responding to what I thought I heard.
I know there are women out there who do not treat their husbands right, just as there are men who take their wives for granted. It all comes down to communication, and their level of commitment to each other. If two partners don't respect each other enough to stay faithful, then why get married or even stay together?
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