Thursday, May 28, 2009


I had to get Tuesday's post off my chest, and now I need to move on. I cry whenever I reread it!

My QT the past few days has been about Hope, and today's hit close to home. It is hard to have hope when you're facing discouragement and feeling guilty over perceived personal failures, and I live with an angry person who constantly asks me 'why?'

'Why should I look forward to things? It never happens; I don't want to be disappointed.'

It's hard to be the optimist in this relationship, but I'd rather laugh than cry. Besides, giving up and not caring sends a horrible message to the kids. If you have nothing to look forward to, why even try setting goals? Why not just lay down and accept whatever life throws at you?

I personally don't like that attitude! God gave me this life, and I don't believe HE wants me to give up on it. I have things I want to accomplish, and I can only do that if I trust in HIM to get me on the right path. If it's not to HIS liking, then eventually HE'll point me in the direction HE wants.

And that means having an open heart. A trusting heart. And a willingness to listen and to change.

I've adapted in this new town of ours, and my writing career has taken off, rather than stagnated in our old house. He, on the other hand, is constantly complaining about the situation and wishes we could 'return home'. The kids are torn between a mother who makes the best of everything: Both teens have made new friends and still keep in touch with their old ones via MySpace, emails, and the occassional visit. The toddler is unaffected, since he was only two when the move occurred. But the occassional rebellion kicks in (esp if their dad is on a particular rant) and manifests itself in sibling rivalry.

My first 'smut' book has been published. I laugh that I am injecting some morality into the erotic genre and a friend is striving to inject some 'slight smut' into the Christian Inspirational genre. Maybe between the two of us we'll create another sub-genre, where the two will meet?

I'm choosing to look at this tiny success as proof that I've written something worthy of publication; it's a foot in the door so my other work can be given a chance; and once I'm established, I'll be able to write something more glorifying to HIM. What do you think?

Hope. Don't ever lose it, or give up on your dreams! Without them, why would we find a reason to get out of bed in the morning?

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