I Don't Get It...

What the Hell...?
I just don't get it. What the hell has happened to people's sanity on the day after Thanksgiving? Yesterday was truly a 'Black Friday' for the families of two store workers, trying to make a living and helping others with the so-called 'Christmas Spirit'. Oh wait a minute....that was NOT an example of true Christmas spirit; that was the sound of selfish GREED!

I have lived in a large town, and I am currently living in a small town, with only three major stores in town: Walmart, K-Mart, and Kohls. Did I get up at some ungodly hour to start shopping? No; I was busy sleeping off my Thanksgiving day of cooking, eating, and visiting with friends.

I did stay in my pj's until noon, and yes, I spent more on Amazon.com than I have in recent transactions. All in the comforts of my home. And when I did venture out, around 2pm, it was first a trip to a small store that advertized Thomas the Tank Engine toys, 40% off. I was one of 4 customers in the store, and not only did I find a gift for my nephew, but I also found a gift for my niece, my parents, and I'll be going back to get another item for my honorary granddaughter.

And then I ventured over to Kohls, thinking if it was too crowded I'd skip it. I not only found a close parking spot, but I went in, found what I was looking for, discovered the boots I want are on sale at 50% off, found an empty check-out line, paid, and left. I was gone a total of an hour.

And then I hear on the radio about a fatality in New York. Have we gotten soooooo desperate to 'get the good sales' that shoppers are now literally breaking down the doors and trampling store workers? Yes, I realize this has also happened on other Black Fridays. But people, really. Is it worth it? I say no.

A couple of years ago, we laughed at a friend of ours who got to Walmart at 4am just to get a DVD player for $20. Well guess what? My mom and dad found one, 2 weeks later, for the same price! That's right; the 'special sale' wasn't so special, after all.

I heard some poor guy whining that he had to stand in line for 2 hours for the store to open. I've got news for you; go in the afternoon, when all the crazies are tired and on their way home, or collapsing in restaurants! And yes, I've done this in the big city, too. Go in the afternoon! You'll be in a much better mood; you'll be rested; your shopping experience will be a hell of a lot more enjoyable. And oh yes, you might even catch yourself humming a Christmas song or two while you shop.

A Change of Heart?
You'd think with the excitement of getting the conditional contract, I'd be writing furiously to get it finished. Well, the opposite has happened. Yes, I wrote the early scene, and the middle scene is still swirling around in my brain, but the words refuse to leave my fingertips.

Is part of my problem the fact I can't shout the news to my parents and extended family? This year on the promotional tour, I met so many people wanting Christian Inspy...has this dulled my desire to break into the erotic genre? I don't know.

Is it simply the fact I'm thisclose to attaining my dream, and now I'm going into self-destruct mode? Is it fear? Burnout? All of the above?

I don't want to blow my chance. Not when I've worked this hard for it!

I had a nightmare last night, that I threw my 3-month-old baby girl away, and spent the rest of the dream sobbing, only to learn she had crawled out and was fine. I woke up in tears, but thankfully, my 4-year-old baby boy was sleeping soundly. (No, I don't have a 3-month-old girl!) But maybe it was symbolic of the 3 months I spent waiting for this particular MS to be accepted. I think I'm going to take the rest of the weekend off, and when my kids return to school next week, I will pull up the document and see if I can at least write for a few minutes.

Baby steps.

I don't have to write an entire scene; I don't have any particular word count to aim for. But if I get back to the basics, and just write something, maybe the words will flow, and open up that dam inside my creativity.

Hopefully. I really don't want to blow this.