Erotica or Porn?

When I first began to write my work, I wondered how far to take the description of the sex act. Most of the books I was reading at the time described the foreplay, but only in general terms, and certainly not everything which can happen between two consenting adults.

I wanted to put in everything. The pearl necklace. Different positions. Sex toys. Graphic language. Light bondage.

But how much was too much? Did I really need to show someone who was determined not to lose their virginity having sex in other ways? Or did that cross the line into porn writing?

The first time I ever saw a dildo, I was appalled. Why would someone willingly have sex with a rubber penis when the REAL DEAL was so available (keep in mind, I was in my 20's and had no shortage of men in my life, lol!)?

But now I'm in my forties and can fully appreciate the use of one, thanks to the 'education' of Passion Parties and fellow authors' books. And it seems the line between porn and erotica is fragile; as long as there is romance in the act, it's acceptable.

Another issue is fidelity. The rules state that once the hero/heroine meet/attract/sleep together, there must be no intimacy with anyone else. So....does the book I wrote, tentatively titled 'Anatomy of an Affair' not count? He DOES stop sleeping with the wife, and ultimately divorces her. I'm not finished yet; this is the wip which is scarily and eerily mirroring a friend's life, minus the actual affair. I spiced it up to be a 'what-if' she crossed the line; guess some things doesn't matter if she stayes faithful or not. The bad things are still happening.

Anyway....where was I? Oh yeah...then there is the popular menage stories. Twenty years ago, threesomes were a 'hush-hush' topic. Now they are increasingly in demand. But what I want to know is, what happens if the two people of the same sex decide to swap 'roles'? You know; usually only one does the actual penetrating (from what I've read, anyway...maybe I need to read more??). What happens if one day he says to his buddy, 'Tonight, I want to make love to her; you only get her mouth.'? And there is another one where the heroine sleeps with each man, one at a time, only one is a D/s relationship, while the other's not. The non-D/s male wants to know why she seems more happy after her nights with her 'Master' and strives to be more dominant. Doesn't that count, or since the two males know about each other, it's not technically infidelity?

Maybe I need to investigate the meaning of 'erotica' vs 'erotic romance', since I came across this issue in another book two years ago?

So what do you find as 'too far over the line'?