Saturday, November 19, 2011

My Inner Demons

Forgive me; I saw the topic for this week and all of a sudden Fleetwood Mac's 'My Little Demon' is going through my brain!

Okay; focus, Kenzie....what demons follow me around?

Wait; maybe I need to introduce myself?  I'm Kenzie Michaels; my stories are on the tame side of the Adult Contemporary Romance genre; and currently three books are published, with a fourth due out any day now and two more pending.  I've known most of the other writers of this blog for several years, and have a confession:  I've been writing my own essays each week and following their blog topics in hope that one day I might be invited to 'fill in' or even invited to join.  And voila!  Here I am, to brighten up your Sunday afternoon.

So with that out of the way, back to my demons:

a)  Demon of insecurity.  I've never been comfortable in social settings unless I had a friend along, but I've noticed that in the past several years I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.  I'm not sure if maturity has suddenly caught up to me, or it's the influence of a good friend, but I've been singing karaoke now for a year.  The first time I stood up, my knees shook and I held the microphone too far away from my mouth.  But last week, I had no problems singing duets with people and not caring how I sounded.  I'll even tell the karaoke goddess, "Don't applaud that!  I was horrible!" and graciously accept the thanks of those who cheer my name!

Insecurity also rears his head when I receive edits or cover art.  I'd rather have a second opinion if I'm not sure how to fix a scene, or disagree with my editor.  And the same goes for cover art; I've only had two covers which I 'knew' were the right ones.  And I'm grateful for friends who take time out of their busy schedules, since I still consider myself a 'newbie'.

b)  Demon of head-hopping.  Back in 2007, when I discovered the joys of networking with other authors, I also learned the rules had changed, considering how scenes were constructed.  I wrote in the style of my favorite books:  Danielle Steele, Judith McNaught, Kathleen Woodiwiss.  Now all of a sudden it's a no-no to switch POV's in the middle of the scene.  I still struggle with this, though I'm getting better.

c)  Demon of not speaking up/confrontation/defending myself:  This is a biggie.  I'm a people-pleaser who dislikes confrontation.  And I'm married to a man who likes to raise his voice.  A lot.  So I tend to let him have his say, and then fume about it, especially if I think he's wrong.  And the times I do argue back, my problem is overcoming his objections.  I saw this when I tried sales; I've never been good at persuading strangers to buy something they don't want.  I've had some high-pressure salesmen talk me into buying things, but I didn't enjoy them afterward.  When I buy something, it's because I WANT it, not because I want to shut someone up.

The demon I have conquered?  The 'yes' demon.  I'm more comfortable telling people 'No; I'm too busy.'

So what about you?

1 comment:

Amber Skyze said...

Funny I used to write like Danielle Steele too.

I'm insecure and can't do public speaking.

I've also learned to say NO. :)