Friday, October 10, 2008

Another Dream, and Venting

First of all, the dream.

I'm with my favorite hero, and we are at a party/outing with friends/something like that. Things are going well; he's by my side and making me feel pretty darn special.

But there's another girl who is also being witty herself, and I can't help but feel slightly insecure; after all, I've been in this position before. I was confident of my hero's love and was therefore shattered when I realized the idiot had just dumped me for the other one.

I feel like I need to trust my sweetheart, but at the same time, I can't help wondering if in another week or so I'll find out they've been seeing each other behind my back? I try to stay calm and civil; after all, any show of jealousy will ultimately destroy our relationship, and give him ideas that may or may not be already crossing his mind?

And then the scene shifts...and we are alone, eating breakfast.

"I thought we'd just stay in today, Kenz, and laze around watching football and eating popcorn." He reaches for my hand and gives me that special smile.

My heart melts. I love lying in his arms, sharing a bowl of popcorn while we cheer on out teams!

Maybe I really do have nothing to worry about??

And now the rant.

My spouse has been living with his niece while he's working, and paying half her rent. Fine; I have no problem with that. It is cheaper than the weekly motel and eating costs of last year, and this way he gets to spend time with her and her kids.

My problem? She lost her job last month, and while she's picked up temp jobs and is still bartending, she doesn't have any extra money for her half of the rent this month. And her new job starts next week. She WILL have the money for her half...on Monday!

And her brother, who is ALSO living there, is lying to his father about his living arrangements!


Yes, my spouse is suddenly making good money, and yes, I certainly understand the need to help her out once in a while. But where the hell has all her money gone? My hubby puts gas in her car; he's buying the groceries; he's even made her car payment! So...where did all her extra income go?

And I wouldn't have been so upset about it, except this is the paycheck where we paid for my van to be fixed. So half of it went so I could have reliable transportation again. I now need to put off paying MY utilities for a week, just so her rent is paid on time.

To put this in perspective: I was looking forward to having a $500 cushion, so I didn't have to worry about checks beating his paycheck to the bank, or if he needed gas, the money would be there. After all, next week I'm going to need gas, too, for when I take the kids north! But no...I've been reduced to a little over $300 for the week. And that includes any groceries I have to buy.

I was just beginning to breathe easy again for the first time in three months. I'll just have to hope nothing unexpected comes up. And no, don't misunderstand! The only shopping I do is grocery shopping. But, I still have some medical bills I'd like to get rid of.

Guess they can wait another week too.

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